Metsatöll "Iivakivi" Gatefold LP

Description

"Once upon a time, when you just couldn´t get the bun in the oven by banging the old lady in the usual way, this unfortunate woman had to go sleighing bare-bottomed down a fertility stone, known among Estonians as “iivakivi”, and the womanly stuff would start working again nicely. But if that woman´s belly remained as flat as a Sunday morning joke even after all of this, it was clear that the time had come to invite the old chap next door to the baby making gathering, and everything would work out just fine.

Metsatöll decided to pour the power of the stone into an album in the form of music, so that there would no longer be a need to wear down uncovered bottoms by sleighing on rough rocks – it is enough just to listen to the album in the comfort of a warm home. In this manner the rear ends of the women remain smooth and silken, and the chances of being fined for indecent exposure are considerably lessened.

To those females not wanting to procreate right now, extra caution is recommended when consuming man-juice, because the power of Iivakivi, the fertility stone, is on the loose!"